What Would It Take? Rethinking Influence
Lessons from Influence Is Your Superpower by Zoe Chance
Even the best ideas still need other people to back them, prioritise them and act on them – which makes influence an essential part of leadership. Yet influence has a reputation problem. It is often associated with having the loudest voice, delivering the smoothest pitch or getting your own way.
In a recent READ TO LEAD session, we explored a different view. Influence isn’t simply about getting your own way, it’s about helping good ideas move, with the credibility to be heard. And it’s rarely decided in one persuasive conversation. Instead, it’s won or lost in small, everyday moments: the way we frame an idea, the words we choose – and whether we ask at all.
The Discussion
Frequently, the biggest barrier isn’t the resistance of others, but our own hesitation.
We worry that the answer might be no, so we avoid asking altogether. Or we add so many apologies, caveats and explanations (I just wanted to…, would it be possible…, I might be wrong but…)that the other person is no longer clear about what we want.
The group talked about situations where they had struggled to make the ask, as well as how easy it is to approach influence from our own perspective. We spend time thinking about why an idea matters to us, when the other person is often asking a different question: What’s in it for me?
This also raised an important question: when you want someone to support an idea, are you making it easy for them to say yes?
The Insights
This is what Chance calls ‘winning the Gator’. She explains that people operate on autopilot much of the time and every idea reaches the fast, instinctive Gator before it reaches the slower, more analytical Judge. So, rather than relying on lengthy explanations and rational arguments, make the idea easy to grasp and lead with the hook. In short, find the simplest possible route to the response you want.
But even the clearest idea will go nowhere if you don’t ask. Fear of rejection means we often avoid making the request in the first place or weaken it with apologies and caveats. The key is to treat ‘no’ as information or an opportunity, rather than taking it personally.
To help her Yale students become less sensitive to rejection, Chance challenges them to say no to everything for 24 hours. Most dread the exercise but discover two things: how readily they agree to requests they don’t really want to accept, and how much more comfortable other people are with hearing no than they expected.
“Becoming more comfortable with hearing ‘no’ also changes the way we ask – your own requests lose that edge of neediness, so people say yes more. “
The response can also depend on when and how the ask is made. Someone who is stressed, distracted or rushing between priorities is less likely to be receptive, so choose your moment carefully. Framing matters too. An idea presented as a ‘soft issue’ can easily be parked, while framing it as a business imperative can make its importance much clearer. For example, saying that an organisation ‘should’ do more to support women is easy to deprioritise. Presenting the lack of women progressing into senior roles as a talent and commercial risk gives decision-makers a clearer reason to act. Chance introduces three techniques: Monumental connects the idea to a bigger purpose, Manageable shows that it is realistic and achievable and Mysterious creates enough curiosity for someone to want to know more.
Take the same issue of female talent. You could make it Monumental by linking it to retaining talented people and developing future leaders. You could make it Manageable by proposing a three-month pilot with ten employees. And you could make it Mysterious by asking what talent and perspectives might currently be overlooked.
The strongest pitches can combine all three: give people a reason to care, show them a realistic way forward and leave them interested in what could be discovered.
Yet even a clear, well-timed and carefully framed ask may meet resistance. However, that doesn’t mean the conversation is over. Anticipating objections, naming them openly and giving people genuine room to say no can reduce defensiveness. And if the answer is still no, the magic question ‘What would it take?’ is an invitation to collaborate, turning the refusal into a conversation about what needs to change.
The Action
Influence is rarely built through one persuasive conversation. It’s built through dozens of small interactions that make your ideas easier to hear, understand and act on. Here are three to try:
Here are three to try:
Ask “What would it take?”
“Take one thing that’s stalled – an initiative, a request for resource, a decision that keeps not quite landing” and instead of restating the case, ask what would need to be true for it to move. Then work with whatever comes back.
Listen out for your ‘hedges’
Notice the words that soften your message: just, sorry, I was wondering, does that make sense? Try removing them and see how differently your message lands.
Give people the headline first
Before explaining your thinking, ask yourself: What’s the simplest way I could say this? Lead with the hook, then add the detail if it’s needed.
The Impact
One “ leader in the group” had been trying to gain support for a new initiative, but each time they raised it, the conversation stalled. The response was always broadly positive, yet there was never a firm decision or commitment to move forward.
Their instinct had been to strengthen the case by providing more evidence and explaining the benefits again. Instead, they tried a different approach: “What would it take for us to move this forward?”
The answer revealed that the idea itself wasn’t the problem. The other person was concerned about the time it would take to implement and who would be responsible for it. Once those concerns were clear, they could discuss a smaller first step, agree who needed to be involved and set a realistic timescale.
The magic question didn’t immediately turn a no into a yes, but it did uncover what was preventing the yes – and gave them something specific to work through together.
Key Takeaways
- Win the Gator before you convince the judge: every idea meets the fast, instinctive brain before the analytical one.
- Lead with the hook: if it can’t be grasped quickly, it usually won’t be grasped at all.
- “No” is information: it tells you what needs to change, not that the conversation is over.
- Ask “What would it take?”: it turns a refusal into a shared problem.
- Timing and framing: a good idea at a bad moment is still a no.
One question to leave you with…
What aren’t you asking for because you’re afraid the answer might be no?
