Why You Need to Stop Trying to Care about Everything
Lessons from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson
This time of year invites a reset. While the demands of life and leadership don’t disappear, there’s a chance to step back and consider which of the deadlines, decisions, opportunities, and expectations most deserve our energy.
Trying to do it all only leads to burnout and exhaustion, so as we head into 2026, it’s time to decide what’s truly important – what it’s worth giving a f*ck about.
THE DISCUSSION
Despite the provocative title, this book isn’t about apathy or disengagement. It’s about clarity and focus. About stopping the drain of trying to care about everything, and instead choosing what genuinely deserves your time, energy, and attention.
While this makes sense in theory, during a recent Read to Lead session we agreed that identifying what to prioritise and what’s truly important isn’t always easy.
Manson’s idea of “shitty values” sparked the most debate, particularly around wealth, status, and recognition.
Why, those present asked, is striving for these things seen as problematic, when wealth, especially, can make life easier at a time when living is so expensive?
In short, wanting these things isn’t wrong, but it’s generally accepted that chasing pleasure, material success, and comparing yourself to others doesn’t lead to long-term happiness or improved well-being. That comes from having worthwhile values – things like honesty, growth, contribution and responsibility – that help you decide what’s worth caring about.
THE INSIGHTS
This is what Manson calls “Choosing Your Struggle”, and is at the heart of the book.
He argues that life will inevitably involve some difficulty – leadership, parenting and growth all come with a degree of pain. So, his question is: what’s worth struggling for?
He suggests considering the following to decide what deserves our time and energy.
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Prioritise and focus
Identify a meaningful goal that’s going to be worth the struggle. Decide what deserves your effort and aligns with your values and let go of the rest. For example, committing to building a high-performing, healthy team might mean saying no to extra projects that look impressive on paper but dilute focus and energy.
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Ignore comparisons
Measuring yourself against someone else’s success is a fast route to dissatisfaction because the sense of ‘enough’ never arrives. Define success on your own terms by focusing less on external markers and more on what progress or impact looks like for you.
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Be willing to be wrong
We all have blind spots. Confidence doesn’t come from certainty, it comes from curiosity. Growth comes from being willing to question your assumptions, admit blind spots, and continuously learn.
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Build better values
As already touched on, striving for money or success isn’t bad, but values tied to comparison and status sit outside our control. Better values are grounded in reality, within your influence, and useful beyond yourself, such as honesty, creativity or generosity.
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Take responsibility
Blame leaves you stuck, while taking responsibility – even when circumstances aren’t ideal – puts choice and control back in your hands. As Manson points out, you’re always choosing, even when you think you aren’t.
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Let go of rigid identities
The Law of Avoidance explains our instinct to avoid anything that threatens how we see ourselves. But letting go of old labels often creates space for something new to emerge.
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Remember life is finite
Keeping mortality in view isn’t morbid, it shifts attention away from legacy and status and back to what matters now, helping you focus on what’s genuinely worth caring about.
THE ACTION
This isn’t about caring less. It’s about caring better.
A few ways to start putting that into practice:
Decide what’s worth the effort
Before committing time or energy, ask yourself: Is this worth the frustration it may bring? If the answer isn’t clear, maybe your focus needs to be elsewhere.
Turn values into something usable
Pick one value and ask what it actually guides you to do – and what does it give you permission to stop doing?
Practice de-prioritising
Look at your priorities alongside your values. Which ones support where you’re heading? Which need more attention if you want to achieve goals in a way that feels right?
Catch yourself comparing
When you feel behind or frustrated, pause and ask whose benchmark you’re using. Doing this regularly helps you reset before motivation is drained.
Practise being wrong out loud
In low-stakes moments, try saying “I might be wrong here.” It keeps learning alive and takes the pressure off having to be certain.
THE IMPACT
After a RToL session, one team chose to stop treating values as simply words on a wall and start treating them as something practical.
They began by unpacking what their stated values actually meant in practice. It quickly became clear that the same word could carry very different meanings. What felt like ambition to one person showed up as pressure to another. Ownership meant autonomy to some, and responsibility without support to others.
Instead of smoothing over those differences, they worked through them.
Together, they defined where individual values overlapped with the team’s priorities and the wider business goals. Crucially, they translated those values into actionable statements to drive the right behaviours.
As they looked ahead to their 2026 objectives, they used those values as a filter. Which ones needed reinforcing to achieve the results they wanted, in the way they wanted to achieve them?
Focusing on the why and the how, rather than the what, brought useful clarity, helping everyone understand what truly mattered.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- The real choice isn’t whether you struggle, it’s what you choose to struggle for
- Define success on your own terms
- Values direct effort and behaviour
- Focus comes from deciding what not to care about
- Responsibility restores agency
- Forget FOMO and learn to say no – an underused leadership skill.
